Troubled

Today supposed to be on X-citing Sunday post.

But I couldn't do it. Today I seemed to be emotionally unstable. Nothing seems to work the way I wanted it to.

*sighs

And my mind is so disturbed till I don't know which one I should rant first.

*sighs 

The world needs more happiness.

*sighs 

Don't you agree with me?

It's just one of those days where I just want to disappear. 

To get away from everything. 

Why? 


WHY?

Because I hate my life here. Dying seems less sad than having lived too little. 

Just because my eyes don't tear doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. 

And just because I come off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

*sighs

It's camp reunion. And I wasn't there with them. I'm sorry, peeps. No transport, okay!

I'm really sorry. Wish I was there with you guys. Rather than here. Alone.

T__________T

I wish that I'm still in Form 5. Rather than cooped up at home for long hours. Like seriously.

*sighs

And Yue told me she's moving to Malacca. And I was like 'What?! When?!'

Yue: 30 May

Me: For what?

Yue: Further studies.

Me: Where?

Yue: MMU. You wanna come?

Me: I wish I can. But they want me to study F6. What course are you taking?

Yue: Law. I'm gonna miss you.

Me: I'm gonna miss you too. I'll be damn lonely.

FYI, Pei Ching will be going to TAR College after National Service. So, I'll still stuck at Alor Setar. Alone. 

*sighs

I was really shocked when I found out that she's going to move away. Away from Alor Setar. 

I keep on thinking times will never change, things will always be the same.

But, it wasn't. 

*sighs

T__________T

I wonder as you go on,  will you remember all the times we had together.

Will we still be friends forever?

I still remember vividly the beginning of out friendship is scary. Endings are definitely sad, but it`s the middle that counts the most, right?

And if I got something that I need to say I better say it right now cause I don't have another day. So, now is the right time. Perhaps.

I wrote this when I was in Form Four. 

It’s over a long time ago

By now, I should faced the reality

At first, I thought I can move on

Without you by my side

I walked past you everyday

You were hanging out

With your new found friends

Without me by your side

I wonder how you did it

I wonder how you made it

Here, I am

Feeling lonely

And miserable always

I miss you very, very much

Even though, I am surrounded by friends

Sometimes I wonder if you ever miss me,

I wonder if you ever feel sad

I wonder if you ever feel lonely.

I seem to be alright

But deep down

I feel a deep sense of emptiness

We have been together

For 11 years

But slowly you changed

Day by day

Without me noticing it

Until, one day, I find that

I can never follow your pace

Anymore

So, on that day

I decided to

Stop talking to you

I hope you will understand

Why I did that.

You moved on

Without asking me why if you had asked me why

I will tell you the reason.

The reason is you.

You have changed

You have become a stranger in my life

I wonder what made you become that

And you never wanted to tell me

Why you have changed suddenly

To reveal your secrets

I was convinced that one day

You would tell me

But you never did

You kept in all to yourself

Am I not the one that you can turn to?

Am I not the one that you can trust?

Am I not the one that you can lean on?

When you faced problems

You can always count on me

For I will stand by you

If only I could turn back time

Noticed the change

Fixed the problem earlier

Probably we would still be friends

If only...

But I just realized who you need most recently. She's the one that can understand you better. 

All the best, Yue. 

No good-bye yet. Still early. 

We'll go hangout. As much as we can. 

Because next time there will be no more hanging out. We will be on different track.

*sighs

Okay, I'm trying to cheer up now.