Troubled

Today supposed to be on X-citing Sunday post.

But I couldn't do it. Today I seemed to be emotionally unstable. Nothing seems to work the way I wanted it to.

*sighs

And my mind is so disturbed till I don't know which one I should rant first.

*sighs 

The world needs more happiness.

*sighs 

Don't you agree with me?

It's just one of those days where I just want to disappear. 

To get away from everything. 

Why? 


WHY?

Because I hate my life here. Dying seems less sad than having lived too little. 

Just because my eyes don't tear doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. 

And just because I come off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

*sighs

It's camp reunion. And I wasn't there with them. I'm sorry, peeps. No transport, okay!

I'm really sorry. Wish I was there with you guys. Rather than here. Alone.

T__________T

I wish that I'm still in Form 5. Rather than cooped up at home for long hours. Like seriously.

*sighs



And Yue told me she's moving to Malacca. And I was like 'What?! When?!'

Yue: 30 May
Me: For what?
Yue: Further studies.
Me: Where?
Yue: MMU. You wanna come?
Me: I wish I can. But they want me to study F6. What course are you taking?
Yue: Law. I'm gonna miss you.
Me: I'm gonna miss you too. I'll be damn lonely.

FYI, Pei Ching will be going to TAR College after National Service. So, I'll still stuck at Alor Setar. Alone. 

*sighs

I was really shocked when I found out that she's going to move away. Away from Alor Setar. 

I keep on thinking times will never change, things will always be the same.

But, it wasn't. 

*sighs

T__________T

I wonder as you go on,  will you remember all the times we had together.


Will we still be friends forever?

I still remember vividly the beginning of out friendship is scary. Endings are definitely sad, but it`s the middle that counts the most, right?

And if I got something that I need to say I better say it right now cause I don't have another day. So, now is the right time. Perhaps.

I wrote this when I was in Form Four. 

It’s over a long time ago
By now, I should faced the reality
At first, I thought I can move on
Without you by my side
I walked past you everyday
You were hanging out
With your new found friends
Without me by your side
I wonder how you did it
I wonder how you made it
Here, I am
Feeling lonely
And miserable always
I miss you very, very much
Even though, I am surrounded by friends
Sometimes I wonder if you ever miss me,
I wonder if you ever feel sad
I wonder if you ever feel lonely.
I seem to be alright
But deep down
I feel a deep sense of emptiness
We have been together
For 11 years
But slowly you changed
Day by day
Without me noticing it
Until, one day, I find that
I can never follow your pace
Anymore
So, on that day
I decided to
Stop talking to you
I hope you will understand
Why I did that.
You moved on
Without asking me why if you had asked me why
I will tell you the reason.
The reason is you.
You have changed
You have become a stranger in my life
I wonder what made you become that
And you never wanted to tell me
Why you have changed suddenly
To reveal your secrets
I was convinced that one day
You would tell me
But you never did
You kept in all to yourself
Am I not the one that you can turn to?
Am I not the one that you can trust?
Am I not the one that you can lean on?
When you faced problems
You can always count on me
For I will stand by you
If only I could turn back time
Noticed the change
Fixed the problem earlier
Probably we would still be friends
If only...

But I just realized who you need most recently. She's the one that can understand you better. 
All the best, Yue. 

No good-bye yet. Still early. 

We'll go hangout. As much as we can. 

Because next time there will be no more hanging out. We will be on different track.

*sighs

Okay, I'm trying to cheer up now. 

4 intimate notes:

Adila Syahira said...
April 18, 2010 at 8:06 PM

dont be sad dear powie~
we might not be in the same path after this but we still friends rite? :DDD

Lukey Cher Hong said...
April 18, 2010 at 11:31 PM

u can still be friends even though the distance may be far. it's not the distance dat matters, but the friendship!

and dun give up when life seems tough, stay strong and let tomorrow's worries take care of itself ^^

elynn-p :] said...
April 19, 2010 at 12:04 AM

awww. thanks lukey.

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